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Friday, April 8, 2011

Meow. Waiting for warmer weather



Inside Joke - Articles of Humor


1. We believe in SUVs and minivans as the form of transportation, in knee length shorts (if they are comely), and in multilevel marketing.
2. We believe that church ball players should be punished for their own fouls, and not for unsportsmanlike aggression.
3. We believe that through breadcrumbs, cheese, creamy soups, and rice, all casseroles can be saved through obedience to ward cookbooks and creativity in the mixing bowl.
4. We believe that the first layers and ingredients of The Dip are: first, beans; second, cheese; third, chopped tomatoes; fourth, the gift of sour cream; fifth, olives; sixth, salsa; seventh, guacamole—if you have it.
5. We believe that a Mormon should have a distinguished or a cute name; that it is appropriate to name a child after a church leader or a historical figure (including an ancestor); that alternative spellings and French prefixes improve a name; and that when referring to General Authorities, middle initials should be a part thereof.
6. We believe in the same wall decor that exists in many Mormon homes, namely, framed family proclamations, vinyl lettering, inspirational word signs, family photos, pictures of temples and Jesus, and so forth.
7. We believe in the gift of the re-gift, church books, crafts, family photos, baked goods, emergency supply kits, and so forth.
8. We believe in sparkling grape juice so long as it is nonalcoholic; we also believe in bringing root beer and Sprite to ward parties.
9. We believe in all that we have scrapbooked, all that we will now scrapbook, and we believe that we will yet scrapbook many great and important things pertaining to our family, friends, pets, and vacations.
10. We believe in the literal mixing of ketchup and mayo and in the generous application of ranch dressing; that CBAs (church-based acronyms) will be used to describe YM/YW, PEC, the Y, NCMO, and CTR; that Mitt Romney will get Mormons to vote for him any time he runs; and, that the Mormons will enjoy reading Twilight and The Work and the Glory.
11. We claim the privilege of trying to identify common acquaintances with any visitor at church, and allow all other people at church the same privilege, and let them name drop the names of famous members and General Authorities how, where, or what they may.
12. We believe in being subject to scoutmasters, pampered chef hostesses, and the writers of the U.S. News and World Report Rankings for professional schools, and in obeying, honoring, and sustaining Glenn Beck.
13. We believe in being above average, good at crafts, optimistic, and being fifteen minutes late everywhere we go. Indeed, we may say that we follow BYU football; we believe rumors about famous people joining the church; we hope to meet the three Nephites; we have endured many pyramid schemes, and hope to be able to endure all pyramid schemes. If there is anything cheap, free, sold in bulk, or given away when somebody is moving, we seek after these things.
~If you can't laugh at yourself... someone else will.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Enter to win. Especially Canadians w/ math skills.

I just entered an online drawing to win an I-Pad2. Woot! Don't get too excited. I don't expect to win. Still, for some reason I decided to read the contest rules. It was all of the predictable stuff you would expect to see in contest rules. For instance, this particular contest is open to residents of the US & Canada only. Then I ran across this little phrase:

"If a Canadian resident is selected, he/she will be required to correctly answer a mathematical skill-testing question in order to be eligible for the prize."

Ummm. huh?  It's a fabric company promoting the drawing. What kind of magical Canadian mathematical skills are necessary to be worthy of winning an Ipad2 in a random drawing?!?!? I'm curious and humored by this. Can someone enlighten me? Why Why Why would this be a contest rule? If there are any mathematically skilled Canadians who can enlighten me - I would love an explanation.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Friday, April 1, 2011

Music

Some music needs to be listened to loudly.