Do you ever have a random event from your past pop into your mind?
That happens to me sometimes. Lately, more than I'd care to relate... but that's a story for another day. Today, one of those random events popped into mind and I, of course, thought, BLOG!
This tale, I've decided to title:
Mountain Dew in The Windowsill
Waaaaaaaay long ago when I was an aspiring Interior Design student, in the hamlet of Provo, UT, it was not uncommon to pull all-nighters. When I say all-nighter, don't be mistaken that I mean I stayed awake doing homework for 24 hours straight. These sleep deprived sessions often extended into 36 or 48+ hours. Mountain Dew was my drug of choice to keep the adrenalin going on this grueling schedule.
Setting the stage:
Drafting class. Rows of drafting boards packed into the classroom. The instructor is... instructing. I am sitting about 3 rows back ALL the way in toward the wall from the aisle, by a window. My mountain dew is sitting in the windowsill... here, let me illustrate...
There I sit, falling asleep. Time for another hit. I pick up the can.
Screeeeeeeeeech.
Wait a second, there's one other thing you need to know about me.
I have a diastema.
Say it with me.
Di-a-ste-ma.
Good.
Actually, I happen to be blessed with a plural diastema, as seen here:
Why it is a blessing will soon be revealed. Because of this amazing, inherited, quirk of nature
and lack of braces or retainers at any point in my life to correct the problem, it has become a part of who I am and what I look like.
(aren't I cute?)
Make no mistake.
I've learned to use this defect to my advantage.
When I drink, the liquid gets sifted through my teeth. I can whistle through my teeth. Listen next time I say a word with an 's' sound. Sometimes, you'll hear a subtle whistle. Now, you'll notice and it will drive you crazy too. Especially noticeable when I whiSper. It also makes flossing extraordinarily simple to accomplish. Quick in, quick out. TMI? ok. Back to the windowsill.
I pick up the can. Take a swig which is absentmindedly, summarily, sifted. As I swig and sift, I feel some kind of
non-liquid foreign object slip on through.
Stop the presses.
All swigging
and swallowing stops and I've got a
full mouthful of mountain dew with some kind of UFO (that's a 'unique found object') floating around in my mouth which had moments before been enjoying a dip in my MD can!!! (this seemed like a good point in the story to introduce the exclamation points) What to do? I was trapped at the end of a row of fellow students and the instructor is instructing away. Luckily, the fight or flight instinct kicked in and I quickly evaluated: There is a sink at the opposite side of the room up near the front door. My escape for said liquid and UFO could be easily disengaged into that sink.
I embraced fight AND flight. With my hand over my mouth, I ran toward the sink. A muffled, "mmm mmmmmm mmmm!!" coming from my throat. Had anyone been able to interpret was, "Get out of my way!!! Coming through!!!". This brought the lecture to a stand still as all eyes were on me making my way to the front of the room for something none of us expected to see that day.
Me, spewing, and a mighty spew it was, the Mountain Dew from my mouth,
well aware of said UFO brushing past my lips.
There, in the sink, crawling around...
(play the Psycho 'shower scene' sound effect music in your mind now...)
CRAWLING AROUND did you get that.
crawling.
Was One of These:
Yes, I screamed. "Cough, cough, sputter... Eeeeew!!! It's an earwig!!!!" Others screamed too. Then, as I recall, we all broke out in fits of laughter as other kids checked
their cans of soda sitting in the windowsills.
All I could figure is this little fella had made a spectacular dive from the window blinds where he was hiding, intending to land on the windowsill, instead finding himself in my soda. I can only imagine this creatures horror at being sifted between my teeth and finding itself in the dark cavern of my mouth. Should we name it Pinocchio or Jonah? I don't really feel bad for the earwig. I washed him down the drain. I was very grateful for my diastema that day as that sifting early warning system saved me from ingesting the bug. Eeeeww.
I am of the personal opinion that there is a scripture for every occasion. This is no exception. There's a little scripture I'd like to remind every creeping thing around me, to remember.
Deuteronomy 14:19
"...every creeping thing (OR winged insect) that flieth is unclean unto you: they shall not be eaten."
Words to live by. I know God has a sense of humor. I think he added this verse just for me.
The End.
I have several little tales akin to this, recalling my adventures with insect wildlife invading my 'bubble'. You know 'the bubble', don't you? That invisible line that says, 'Don't get any closer to me.' Insects do not respect my bubble. Many of these tales, I've entertained my friends and family with. I seem to have a never ending supply of comical encounters that weren't so funny at the time. Perhaps I have some fodder for blogging for the next several posts... more to follow friends. Bees, Flys, Wasps, 'Large Items' (still not sure what it was), attack of the hummingbird.... Did I mention Flys? For those of you who HAVE heard my most infamous encounter with a fly, just know, I am not always as discrete and subtle as I was that time. Perhaps that was an opposing reaction to the scene I had caused with Mr. Earwig. Be entertained.
